The Optimist Report

HAIL ANTS

2009-07-02T13:35:00.001-05:00

thanks, prez

2009-07-01T08:52:00.000-05:00

"there's no such thing as a lost cause if you're willing to be creative, and challenge the conventional wisdom, and take some risks -- if you're willing to try, and fail, and then try again until you find something that works"

The beast with 40 eyes

2009-07-01T08:05:00.004-05:00

Having spent the past 72 hours or so listening almost exclusively to Michael Jackson, I've realized that I'll remember him differently than I thought I would.

I thought that I'd remember him most for his early hits- the universally loved dance songs that you hear at every wedding, and which absolutely kill at every wedding, regardless of the attendee demographic.

And yes, any discussion of my favorite MJ songs pretty much begins and ends with "I want you back". But that said, reviewing his solo work revealed, once again, just how dark his lyrics could get. Billie Jean is obvious, but even Thriller, which has, because of the video, become sort of cartoonish over the years, has some freaking dark subject matter once you strip away the halloween dance party veneer.

But the one that I love, somewhat inexplicably, even more than Thriller?

Smooth Criminal. Just a perfect, perfect song, about stabbin' a chick. Love it.

Oh, and one more tip of the hat to this 1978 demo of "Don't stop til you get enough". Hearing this makes me rethink my list of places I would travel if I had a time machine. CBGB's during the Talking Heads' Stop Making Sense tour still tops the list, but this comes close.

THIS is optimism. This is public health

2009-05-22T10:04:00.003-05:00

DOOM

2009-04-28T09:58:00.000-05:00

Thanks, intarwebs.

Quick hits: retro music

2009-04-27T12:21:00.002-05:00

Mastodon: Oh crap this is amazing. Metal is back.

Japandroids: Terrible fucking name, great fucking band. Emo is back?

Arcade Fire on Pitchfork TV

2009-04-06T10:36:00.002-05:00

YAY!

The best thing Pitchfork has ever done. They are hosting the new Arcade Fire DVD: Miroir Noir. Check it out before it goes down.

YAY!

Yes, yes, a thousand times yes.

2009-03-25T15:29:00.002-05:00

If you don't get excited watching this, congratulations, your inner child is dead, and I really don't want to know you.

Signs of Spring

2009-03-25T11:00:00.000-05:00

Thanks Deadspin.

Where on earth would we be without Bill Walton?

2009-03-23T10:29:00.002-05:00

He is the greatest.

NOW we're getting there

2009-03-20T11:58:00.001-05:00

This idea is so good I wish I'd thought of it.

Introducing..... SEPTAfail.

This contest is over

2009-03-16T09:38:00.004-05:00

They might as well shut down the interwebs. This is the greatest anything ever.

Thanks, Failblog.

One day like this a year'd see me right

2009-02-27T09:39:00.003-05:00

Holy cow it's nice outside.

It likely won't last very long, so let's make it count today.

Rise up Philly! Ditch work! Get outside. Go easy.

It's looking like a beautiful day

The Plan

2009-02-25T15:57:00.002-05:00

I have a new strategy for securing a mortgage on the house I probably can't afford. Pity!

In which Alex sees the silver lining on being down in a $2,000,000,000 hole

2009-02-10T09:31:00.005-05:00

So i know you all know that much of the Wire is based on Philly, but the current budget crisis REALLY makes the parallels obvious.

In October, Mayor Nutter announced a $1B deficit, and proposed massive cuts, particularly to libraries and pools. He was nearly run out of town on a rail (yes, we still do that in Philly). Then, a month ago, he announced that the deficit was actually more like $2B, cause what's another billion dollars between neighbors.

Now, he's called for every single department in the city to plan for 10%, 20%, or 30% cuts. It's crazy and awesome.

They're talking about possibly closing fire departments, and doing so in the middle of winter, when fires are at their worst due to poor heating systems.

They're talking about laying off thousands of cops, at a time when we're still reeling from the 2004-2007 wave of violence that made us the shame of the nation.

They're talking about scaling back trash pickup to just twice a month in this already filthy city, reversing the good will garnered by increasing recycling to weekly just last month.

They're talking about eliminating street cleaning, while scaling back rat patrol. More garbage + less rat patrol = bring out your dead.

Oh, and of course they're talking about shuttering city health centers that provide health care to thousands of the city's most vulnerable residents, resulting in untold millions of dollars in unnecessary health care costs due to increased ER utilization. Costs that we will all bear because of the high rate of uninsured that rely on those health centers. Of course, this last scenario may be less likely if we all get bitten by rats and die of the plague before we can get to the ER.

At any rate, this is probably really all a bunch of doom and gloom posturing so that Mayor Nutter can get city council to propose a massive tax hike to avert this catastrophe. That way he ducks the criticism both ways. And to that I say bravo.

Anyway, his comment about using PhillyStat as a scalpel for targeting cuts is pretty sweet. I only wish my MPH program taught us how to cook the stats on rat patrol. Wait, what if we legalized rats in certain neighborhoods? We could call one Hamsterdam!

Anyway, here's the list of meetings where the people can come on out and voice their opinion about all this:

Thursday, February 12, 2009 - St. Dominic’s School 8510 Frankford Avenue (Northeast Philadelphia)

Wednesday, February 18, 2009 - Mastery Charter School Pickett Campus 5700 Wayne Avenue (Germantown)

Thursday, February 19, 2009 - St. Monica’s Catholic School 16th & Porter School (South Philadelphia)

Monday, February 23, 2009 - Pinn Memorial Baptist Church 2251 North 54th Street (West Philadelphia)

Doors open at 6 pm. All meetings are from 7 pm to 9:30 pm. Seats limited.

Thanks, Failblog

2009-02-06T10:39:00.003-05:00

Requiem for a freak

2009-02-05T14:21:00.001-05:00

RIP Lux Interior.

Oh when the sun goes down and the moon comes up
I turn into a teenage goo-goo muck
Yeah I cruise through the city and I roam the streets
Lookin for something that is nice to eat

You better duck,
when I show up,
the goo-goo muck.

I'm a night headhunter looking for some head
With a way-out body underneath that head
Yeah I'll get you baby with a little luck
Cuz I'm a teenage tiger and an goo-goo muck

You better duck,
when I show up,
the goo-goo muck.

The city is a jungle and I'm a beast
I'm a teenage tiger looking for a feast
Yeah I wan't the most but I'll take the least
Cuz I'm a goo-goo muck tiger and a teenage beast

You better duck,
when I show up,
the goo-goo muck.

Guilty Pleasures

2009-01-21T13:55:00.000-05:00

I've been really enjoying Ladyhawke recently. In particular, the song "Back of the Van" should be played regularly at all roller and ice skating rinks. It's good nostalgia.

Happy New Term

2009-01-20T14:44:00.002-05:00

Yeah yeah yeah yeah, yeah yeah yeah yeah

If you could blow up the world

With the flick of a switch

Would you do it?

(Yeah yeah yeah yeah, yeah yeah yeah yeah)

If you could make everybody poor

Just so you could be rich

Would you do it?

(Yeah yeah yeah yeah, yeah yeah yeah yeah)

If you could watch everybody work

While you just lay on your back

Would you do it?

(Yeah yeah yeah yeah, yeah yeah yeah yeah)

If you could take all the love

Without giving any back

Would you do it?

(Yeah yeah yeah yeah, yeah yeah yeah yeah)

And so we cannot know ourselves

Or what we'd really do

With all your power

What would you do?

With all your power

What would you do?

(No no no no, no no no no)

If you could make your own money

And then give it to everybody

Would you do it?

(No no no no, no no no no)

If you knew all the answers

And could give to the masses

Would you do it?

(No no no no, no no no no)

Are you crazy?

It's a very dangerous thing to do

Exactly what you want

Because you cannot know yourself,

Or what you'd really do

With all your power

What would you do?

A quick dose of seething hatred

2009-01-08T09:38:00.006-05:00

Wag of my dick goes straight at the US Army, for fucking up the mailing addresses of letters to family members of US soldiers killed in Iraq and Afghanistan, and referring to the men as "John Doe". Forget for a moment the crippling dehumanization that comes with having your dead mom, dad, husband, wife, son, or daughter labeled a John Doe, and think for a second about the arrogance and disdain it takes to outsource the writing of letters to families of dead fucking US soldiers.

Oh, Army chief of staff General Casey is now writing a "personal letter" to each of the 7,000 family members? I award you no make up points - you should have been writing these letters your damn self all along.

Look, anyone who has watched a single fucking Vietnam or WWII movie knows that the only way to save the General that led the dead soldiers to their sad fates is to show him agonizing over writing exactly these kinds of letters. Outsourcing that shit is so goddamn horrible, I don't know that Dante even thought up a level for it.

So, in short, fuck you US Army.

Quotation of the year

2008-12-30T14:19:00.003-05:00

Last month, 300 students enrolled in the remarkable distance running mentorship program, Students Run Philly Style, and their families gathered for a night to honor all they have accomplished in the past year, including the completion of the Philadelphia Marathon. That evening, Charles Dickens Sr., the father of the runner featured in this Inquirer article, had this to say about his son’s involvement in Students Run Philly Style:

“I need to let you know, and I need to let this entire city know, that because of this program, I can sleep at night. I know that my son is safe…safe from the bullets, safe from the danger on the street, because he is with caring mentors, who have dedicated their lives to his well being.”

That pretty well sums up why I do what I do. I hope you'll take a moment to witness these incredible kids and their mentors, supporting them by cheering on race day, and by considering a contribution. It makes all the difference.

Best Albums of 2008 - an idiot's list

2008-12-19T09:36:00.005-05:00

Here you go, my favorite albums of 2008.

1. TV on the Radio - Dear Science
2. Sigur Ros - Meo Suo I Eyrum Vio Spilum Endalaust
3. Cut Copy - In Ghost Colours
4. Metaform – Standing on the shoulders of giants
5. Girl Talk - Feed the Animals
6. David Byrne & Brian Eno - Everything That Happens Will Happen Today
7. Dr. Dog – Fate
8. Lil’ Wayne – Tha Carter III
9. Wolf Parade – At Mount Zoomer
10. Gnarls Barkley - The Odd Couple

Notable by its absence - Bloc Party – Intimacy. I found this to be a misnomer.

Honorable Mention (cause I’ve only heard 1-2 songs on it so far, so can’t totally judge):
Drive by Truckers: the song Opening Act might be my favorite of the year. I guess I’m a lil bit country. The crescendo of that song begins, “As I’m driving North and the sun is rising over a Technicolor horizon”, which is the most perfect lyric I’ve heard in a long, long time.
Deerhunter: the song Nothing Ever Happened is my current favorite song.
MGMT: Kids is an awesome song. There’s at least 2 other tracks on here I like, so maybe I should get around to listening to the whole thing.

The God You Suck Award: Vampire Weekend - Vampire Weekend. Hatehatehate. Runner-up: Portishead. I heard “Machine Gun” about 500 times this year, and hate that song so much it kept me from listening to anything else on what I gather is actually a good album.

Thanks, Jose

2008-12-11T09:17:00.001-05:00

I see problems down the line
I know that I’m right.
There was a dirt upon your hands
doing the same mistake twice
making the same mistake twice

Come on over and be so caught up
its not about compromising.

I see problems down the line
I know that I’m right
I see darkness down the line
I know its hard to fight.
There was a dirt upon your hands
doing the same mistake twice
making the same mistake twice.

Come on over be so caught up
its all about compromise.

I see problems down the line
I know that I’m right.

Don’t let the darkness eat you up

Holiday Wishing

2008-12-09T12:52:00.001-05:00

Courtesy of Philebrity, I present the holiday gift that every Optimist secretly yearns for this year.

Yikes

2008-11-21T10:12:00.000-05:00

Occasionally, I come across some tangential shit at work that is straight-up terrifying. This is one of those times.

Home

2008-11-20T11:56:00.000-05:00

An anthem for this holiday season, courtesy of David Byrne and Brian Eno.

2008-11-04T12:17:00.001-05:00

Children, wake up.
Hold your mistake up.
Before they turn the summer into dust.

God damned right, it's a beautiful day

2008-11-04T11:52:00.002-05:00

Vote!

Do it for Guinea Pirate!

Required listening

2008-11-04T10:25:00.003-05:00

KEXP's John Richards is cranking perhaps the best show I've ever heard today.

I've already heard Dead Kennedys, Bob Dylan, and Leonard Cohen. Word.

What we got to say
Power to the people no delay
To make everybody see
In order to fight the powers that be

Statement of Purpose

2008-11-04T08:39:00.011-05:00

Vote or die, motherfuckers.

"CHIN UP.
We’re smarter than those motherfuckers.
We can learn more quickly than those motherfuckers.
We can be more ruthless than those motherfuckers.
We can be some six-million-dollar motherfuckers ourselves.

Chin up.
We’re more American than those motherfuckers.
We’re more responsible than those motherfuckers.
We’re more compassionate than those motherfuckers.
Hell, our atheists are more Christian than their Bible-thumpin’ motherfuckers.

There’s an election in two years (make that TODAY).
There’s nothing we can’t do.
Chin up.
Because it’s on, motherfuckers.
It is on.

Teh funny

2008-09-17T14:13:00.000-05:00

"When I think of how many poor pets I've saved from living the life of a stray—well, the growing pile of beagle testicles under my laundry chute just doesn't seem so big anymore."

-Bob Barker

Ahem

2008-09-11T13:41:00.003-05:00

Good afternoon, Governor Haley Barbour, you utter and complete fucking prick. You are a swine, a fascist, racist, pigheaded sonofabitch without the slightest inkling of a moral center.

Go fuck yourself with a rusty meathook, you shitstain on the tighty whiteys of Democracy.

Thank you for your time.

Yep, this'll play in NYC

2008-09-11T09:25:00.003-05:00

ROFLGASM!

Awesome photo?

2008-09-10T10:40:00.002-05:00

Or awesomest photo?

Thanks to Rita for the tip.

Oh, and btw.

Philly v. Bucks County

2008-09-09T07:51:00.006-05:00

Trolling the headlines of the Inqy this morning... and I couldn't be more entertained. Compare the tone of this piece (which got top billing), with this one, which led the "latest news" category.

Yes, that first story is totally nuts, but the second is pure comedy gold.

As for a creative solution to end subway violence, um... well... hire Hellboy?

Mood Swings? Mood Swings!!!

2008-09-03T12:45:00.005-05:00

Today started off as kind of a downer, with news that a former PADA ultimate player done been sellin' off hundreds of body parts on the black market. (note to self - secure commitment from Eli Roth for screenplay development).

Then, about an hour ago, some poor fool stabbed himself outside my office building and bled all the hell over Broad and Locust before being carted off in an ambulance.

So I was admittedly trolling for sunny news, and, sure thing, the Onion came through:

New Little Caesars Marketing Strategy Has Employees Throw Themselves On Hoods Of Passing Cars

September 3, 2008 Issue 44•36

DETROIT—Following the failure of the pizza chain's TV advertisements and coupon flier promotions, the Little Caesars corporate office introduced a new marketing strategy for select locations Tuesday that involves their employees standing outside the restaurant and hurling themselves onto the hoods of passing cars while shouting the day's special offers. "In today's media-saturated world, the key is getting the customer's attention," market analyst Jodi Baer said. "Darting out into the street, leaping in front of a speeding car, and quickly screaming 'One large 14-inch pizza plus an order of Crazy Bread for just $10.99!' before smashing through the windshield accomplishes that goal." This replaces the company's previous outside-the-box marketing campaign, in which employees strapped 15 pounds of explosives to their chests and screamed "Pizza! Pizza!" before blowing themselves up in a crowded marketplace.

Fear and Loathing = Sexy?

2008-09-03T08:29:00.011-05:00

So, we're like 3 days into the McCain/Palin Experience Featuring Joe Lieberman, and what do we know about our Republican Candidate for VP?

She LOVES abstinence-only education, despite overwhelming clinical evidence (not to mention exhibit A in the bedroom next to her own) that that shit don't do shit.

She FEARS abortion. Yet feels the need to praise, and be praised, for choosing life. CHOOSING. That's the operative word, you twit.

She LOVES guns. I can't really argue with that, actually. 1, there's no way in hell she'd get elected in Alaska on a gun control platform (I assume), and 2, if I lived in Alaska, I'd probably want a rifle around, too.

She FEARS intellectualism. And really just learning in general. Between promoting teaching creationism to banning books and running librarians out of town, she's about an eyelash away from Jiang Qing and the Cultural Revolution.

She LOVES God. In a way that only she could EVER understand. But she'd be happy to sit down and explain it all to you, and exactly why you're going to hell if you disagree, you pagan asshole.

She really LOVES freedom.

"You're right, actually. I am pretty- I'm, I'm pretty troubled and I'm, I'm pretty confused. But I... and I'm afraid. Really, really afraid. Really afraid. But I... I... I think you're the fucking Antichrist."

The Charge

2008-08-29T07:29:00.003-05:00

Barack Obama: To Chairman Dean and my great friend Dick Durbin; and to all my fellow citizens of this great nation.
With profound gratitude and great humility, I accept your nomination for presidency of the United States.
Let me express my thanks to the historic slate of candidates who accompanied me on this journey, and especially the one who traveled the farthest -- a champion for working Americans and an inspiration to my daughters and yours -- Hillary Rodham Clinton. To President Bill Clinton, who made last night the case for change as only he can make it; to Ted Kennedy, who embodies the spirit of service; and to the next vice president of the United States, Joe Biden, I thank you. I am grateful to finish this journey with one of the finest statesmen of our time, a man at ease with everyone from world leaders to the conductors on the Amtrak train he still takes home every night.
To the love of my life, our next first lady, Michelle Obama, and to Malia and Sasha -- I love you so much, and I'm so proud of you.
Four years ago, I stood before you and told you my story -- of the brief union between a young man from Kenya and a young woman from Kansas who weren't well off or well-known, but shared a belief that in America, their son could achieve whatever he put his mind to.
It is that promise that has always set this country apart -- that through hard work and sacrifice, each of us can pursue our individual dreams but still come together as one American family, to ensure that the next generation can pursue their dreams as well.
That's why I stand here tonight. Because for 232 years, at each moment when that promise was in jeopardy, ordinary men and women -- students and soldiers, farmers and teachers, nurses and janitors -- found the courage to keep it alive.
We meet at one of those defining moments -- a moment when our nation is at war, our economy is in turmoil, and the American promise has been threatened once more.
Tonight, more Americans are out of work and more are working harder for less. More of you have lost your homes and even more are watching your home values plummet. More of you have cars you can't afford to drive, credit card bills you can't afford to pay, and tuition that's beyond your reach.
These challenges are not all of government's making. But the failure to respond is a direct result of a broken politics in Washington and the failed policies of George W. Bush.
America, we are better than these last eight years. We are a better country than this.
This country is more decent than one where a woman in Ohio, on the brink of retirement, finds herself one illness away from disaster after a lifetime of hard work.
We're a better country than one where a man in Indiana has to pack up the equipment he's worked on for 20 years and watch it shipped off to China, and then chokes up as he explains how he felt like a failure when he went home to tell his family the news.
We are more compassionate than a government that lets veterans sleep on our streets and families slide into poverty; that sits on its hands while a major American city drowns before our eyes.
Tonight, I say to the people of America, to Democrats and Republicans and independents across this great land -- enough! This moment -- this election -- is our chance to keep, in the 21st century, the American promise alive. Because next week, in Minnesota, the same party that brought you two terms of George Bush and Dick Cheney will ask this country for a third. And we are here because we love this country too much to let the next four years look just like the last eight. On November 4, we must stand up and say: "Eight is enough."
Now let there be no doubt. The Republican nominee, John McCain, has worn the uniform of our country with bravery and distinction, and for that we owe him our gratitude and our respect. And next week, we'll also hear about those occasions when he's broken with his party as evidence that he can deliver the change that we need.
But the record's clear: John McCain has voted with George Bush 90 percent of the time. Sen. McCain likes to talk about judgment, but really, what does it say about your judgment when you think George Bush has been right more than 90 percent of the time? I don't know about you, but I'm not ready to take a 10 percent chance on change.
The truth is, on issue after issue that would make a difference in your lives -- on health care and education and the economy -- Sen. McCain has been anything but independent. He said that our economy has made "great progress" under this president. He said that the fundamentals of the economy are strong. And when one of his chief advisers -- the man who wrote his economic plan -- was talking about the anxieties that Americans are feeling, he said that we were just suffering from a "mental recession," and that we've become, and I quote, "a nation of whiners."
A nation of whiners? Tell that to the proud autoworkers at a Michigan plant who, after they found out it was closing, kept showing up every day and working as hard as ever, because they knew there were people who counted on the brakes that they made. Tell that to the military families who shoulder their burdens silently as they watch their loved ones leave for their third or fourth or fifth tour of duty. These are not whiners. They work hard and they give back and they keep going without complaint. These are the Americans I know.
Now, I don't believe that Sen. McCain doesn't care what's going on in the lives of Americans. I just think he doesn't know. Why else would he define middle-class as someone making under $5 million a year? How else could he propose hundreds of billions in tax breaks for big corporations and oil companies but not one penny of tax relief to more than 100 million Americans? How else could he offer a health care plan that would actually tax people's benefits, or an education plan that would do nothing to help families pay for college, or a plan that would privatize Social Security and gamble your retirement?
It's not because John McCain doesn't care. It's because John McCain doesn't get it.
For over two decades, he's subscribed to that old, discredited Republican philosophy -- give more and more to those with the most and hope that prosperity trickles down to everyone else. In Washington, they call this the Ownership Society, but what it really means is that you're on your own. Out of work? Tough luck. You're on your own. No health care? The market will fix it. You're on your own. Born into poverty? Pull yourself up by your own bootstraps -- even if you don't have boots. You are on your own.
Well it's time for them to own their failure. It's time for us to change America. And that's why I'm running for president of the United States.
You see, we Democrats have a very different measure of what constitutes progress in this country.
We measure progress by how many people can find a job that pays the mortgage; whether you can put a little extra money away at the end of each month so you can someday watch your child receive her college diploma. We measure progress in the 23 million new jobs that were created when Bill Clinton was president -- when the average American family saw its income go up $7,500 instead of go down $2,000 like it has under George Bush.
We measure the strength of our economy not by the number of billionaires we have or the profits of the Fortune 500, but by whether someone with a good idea can take a risk and start a new business, or whether the waitress who lives on tips can take a day off and look after a sick kid without losing her job -- an economy that honors the dignity of work.
The fundamentals we use to measure economic strength are whether we are living up to that fundamental promise that has made this country great -- a promise that is the only reason I am standing here tonight.
Because in the faces of those young veterans who come back from Iraq and Afghanistan, I see my grandfather, who signed up after Pearl Harbor, marched in Patton's Army, and was rewarded by a grateful nation with the chance to go to college on the GI Bill.
In the face of that young student who sleeps just three hours before working the night shift, I think about my mom, who raised my sister and me on her own while she worked and earned her degree; who once turned to food stamps but was still able to send us to the best schools in the country with the help of student loans and scholarships.
When I listen to another worker tell me that his factory has shut down, I remember all those men and women on the South Side of Chicago I stood by and fought for two decades ago after the local steel plant closed.
And when I hear a woman talk about the difficulties of starting her own business or making her way in the world, I think about my grandmother, who worked her way up from the secretarial pool to middle-management, despite years of being passed over for promotions because she was a woman. She's the one who taught me about hard work. She's the one who put off buying a new car or a new dress for herself so that I could have a better life. She poured everything she had into me. And although she can no longer travel, I know that she's watching tonight, and that tonight is her night as well.
Now, I don't know what kind of lives John McCain thinks that celebrities lead, but this has been mine. These are my heroes. Theirs are the stories that shaped my life. And it is on behalf of them that I intend to win this election and keep our promise alive as president of the United States.
What is that American promise?
It's a promise that says each of us has the freedom to make of our own lives what we will, but that we also have the obligation to treat each other with dignity and respect.
It's a promise that says the market should reward drive and innovation and generate growth, but that businesses should live up to their responsibilities to create American jobs, to look out for American workers, and play by the rules of the road.
Ours is a promise that says government cannot solve all our problems, but what it should do is that which we cannot do for ourselves -- protect us from harm and provide every child a decent education; keep our water clean and our toys safe; invest in new schools and new roads and science and technology.
Our government should work for us, not against us. It should help us, not hurt us. It should ensure opportunity not just for those with the most money and influence, but for every American who's willing to work.
That's the promise of America -- the idea that we are responsible for ourselves, but that we also rise or fall as one nation; the fundamental belief that I am my brother's keeper; I am my sister's keeper.
That's the promise we need to keep. That's the change we need right now. So let me spell out exactly what that change would mean if I am president.
Change means a tax code that doesn't reward the lobbyists who wrote it, but the American workers and small businesses who deserve it.
You know, unlike John McCain, I will stop giving tax breaks to corporations that ship jobs overseas, and I will start giving them to companies that create good jobs right here in America.
I'll eliminate capital gains taxes for the small businesses and the start-ups that will create the high-wage, high-tech jobs of tomorrow.
I will, listen now, cut taxes -- cut taxes -- for 95 percent of all working families. Because in an economy like this, the last thing we should do is raise taxes on the middle-class.
And for the sake of our economy, our security and the future of our planet, I will set a clear goal as president: In 10 years, we will finally end our dependence on oil from the Middle East. We will do this.
Washington's been talking about our oil addiction for the last 30 years, and by the way John McCain's been there for 26 of them. And in that time, he's said no to higher fuel-efficiency standards for cars, no to investments in renewable energy, no to renewable fuels. And today, we import triple the amount of oil that we had as the day that Sen. McCain took office.
Now is the time to end this addiction, and to understand that drilling is a stop-gap measure, not a long-term solution. Not even close.
As president, I will tap our natural gas reserves, invest in clean coal technology, and find ways to safely harness nuclear power. I'll help our auto companies re-tool, so that the fuel-efficient cars of the future are built right here in America. I'll make it easier for the American people to afford these new cars. And I'll invest $150 billion over the next decade in affordable, renewable sources of energy -- wind power and solar power and the next generation of biofuels; an investment that will lead to new industries and 5 million new jobs that pay well and can't be outsourced.
America, now is not the time for small plans.
Now is the time to finally meet our moral obligation to provide every child a world-class education, because it will take nothing less to compete in the global economy. You know, Michelle and I are only here tonight because we were given a chance at an education. And I will not settle for an America where some kids don't have that chance. I'll invest in early childhood education. I'll recruit an army of new teachers, and pay them higher salaries and give them more support. And in exchange, I'll ask for higher standards and more accountability. And we will keep our promise to every young American -- if you commit to serving your community or our country, we will make sure you can afford a college education.
Now is the time to finally keep the promise of affordable, accessible health care for every single American. If you have health care, my plan will lower your premiums. If you don't, you'll be able to get the same kind of coverage that members of Congress give themselves. And as someone who watched my mother argue with insurance companies while she lay in bed dying of cancer, I will make certain those companies stop discriminating against those who are sick and need care the most.
Now is the time to help families with paid sick days and better family leave, because nobody in America should have to choose between keeping their job and caring for a sick child or ailing parent.
Now is the time to change our bankruptcy laws, so that your pensions are protected ahead of CEO bonuses; and the time to protect Social Security for future generations.
And now is the time to keep the promise of equal pay for an equal day's work, because I want my daughters to have the exact same opportunities as your sons.
Now, many of these plans will cost money, which is why I've laid out how I'll pay for every dime -- by closing corporate loopholes and tax havens that don't help America grow. But I will also go through the federal budget, line by line, eliminating programs that no longer work and making the ones we do need work better and cost less -- because we cannot meet 21st century challenges with a 20th century bureaucracy.
And Democrats, we must also admit that fulfilling America's promise will require more than just money. It will require a renewed sense of responsibility from each of us to recover what John F. Kennedy called our "intellectual and moral strength." Yes, government must lead on energy independence, but each of us must do our part to make our homes and businesses more efficient. Yes, we must provide more ladders to success for young men who fall into lives of crime and despair. But we must also admit that programs alone can't replace parents; that government can't turn off the television and make a child do her homework; that fathers must take more responsibility to provide love and guidance to their children.
Individual responsibility and mutual responsibility -- that's the essence of America's promise.
And just as we keepour promise to the next generation here at home, so must we keep America's promise abroad. If John McCain wants to have a debate about who has the temperament, and judgment, to serve as the next commander in chief, that's a debate I'm ready to have.
For while Sen. McCain was turning his sights to Iraq just days after 9/11, I stood up and opposed this war, knowing that it would distract us from the real threats that we face. When John McCain said we could just "muddle through" in Afghanistan, I argued for more resources and more troops to finish the fight against the terrorists who actually attacked us on 9/11, and made clear that we must take out Osama bin Laden and his lieutenants if we have them in our sights. You know, John McCain likes to say that he'll follow bin Laden to the Gates of Hell -- but he won't even go to the cave where he lives.
And today, as my call for a time frame to remove our troops from Iraq has been echoed by the Iraqi government and even the Bush administration, even after we learned that Iraq has $79 billion in surplus while we are wallowing in deficits, John McCain stands alone in his stubborn refusal to end a misguided war.
That's not the judgment we need. That won't keep America safe. We need a president who can face the threats of the future, not keep grasping at the ideas of the past.
You don't defeat a terrorist network that operates in 80 countries by occupying Iraq. You don't protect Israel and deter Iran just by talking tough in Washington. You can't truly stand up for Georgia when you've strained our oldest alliances. If John McCain wants to follow George Bush with more tough talk and bad strategy, that is his choice -- but that is not the change that America needs.
We are the party of Roosevelt. We are the party of Kennedy. So don't tell me that Democrats won't defend this country. Don't tell me that Democrats won't keep us safe. The Bush-McCain foreign policy has squandered the legacy that generations of Americans -- Democrats and Republicans -- have built, and we are here to restore that legacy.
As commander in chief, I will never hesitate to defend this nation, but I will only send our troops into harm's way with a clear mission and a sacred commitment to give them the equipment they need in battle and the care and benefits they deserve when they come home.
I will end this war in Iraq responsibly, and finish the fight against al Qaeda and the Taliban in Afghanistan. I will rebuild our military to meet future conflicts. But I will also renew the tough, direct diplomacy that can prevent Iran from obtaining nuclear weapons and curb Russian aggression. I will build new partnerships to defeat the threats of the 21st century: terrorism and nuclear proliferation; poverty and genocide; climate change and disease. And I will restore our moral standing, so that America is once again that last, best hope for all who are called to the cause of freedom, who long for lives of peace, and who yearn for a better future.
These are the policies I will pursue. And in the weeks ahead, I look forward to debating them with John McCain.
But what I will not do is suggest that the senator takes his positions for political purposes. Because one of the things that we have to change in our politics is the idea that people cannot disagree without challenging each other's character and each other's patriotism.
The times are too serious, the stakes are too high for this same partisan playbook. So let us agree that patriotism has no party. I love this country, and so do you, and so does John McCain. The men and women who serve in our battlefields may be Democrats and Republicans and independents, but they have fought together and bled together and some died together under the same proud flag. They have not served a Red America or a Blue America -- they have served the United States of America.
So I've got news for you, John McCain. We all put our country first.
America, our work will not be easy. The challenges we face require tough choices, and Democrats as well as Republicans will need to cast off the worn-out ideas and politics of the past. For part of what has been lost these past eight years can't just be measured by lost wages or bigger trade deficits. What has also been lost is our sense of common purpose. That's what we have to restore.
We may not agree on abortion, but surely we can agree on reducing the number of unwanted pregnancies in this country. The reality of gun ownership may be different for hunters in rural Ohio than they are for those plagued by gang-violence in Cleveland, but don't tell me we can't uphold the Second Amendment while keeping AK-47s out of the hands of criminals. I know there are differences on same-sex marriage, but surely we can agree that our gay and lesbian brothers and sisters deserve to visit the person they love in the hospital and to live lives free of discrimination. You know, passions may fly on immigration, but I don't know anyone who benefits when a mother is separated from her infant child or an employer undercuts American wages by hiring illegal workers. But this, too, is part of America's promise -- the promise of a democracy where we can find the strength and grace to bridge divides and unite in common effort.
I know there are those who dismiss such beliefs as happy talk. They claim that our insistence on something larger, something firmer and more honest in our public life is just a Trojan Horse for higher taxes and the abandonment of traditional values. And that's to be expected. Because if you don't have any fresh ideas, then you use stale tactics to scare voters. If you don't have a record to run on, then you paint your opponent as someone people should run from.
You make a big election about small things.
And you know what -- it's worked before. Because it feeds into the cynicism we all have about government. When Washington doesn't work, all its promises seem empty. If your hopes have been dashed again and again, then it's best to stop hoping, and settle for what you already know.
I get it. I realize that I am not the likeliest candidate for this office. I don't fit the typical pedigree, and I haven't spent my career in the halls of Washington.
But I stand before you tonight because all across America something is stirring. What the naysayers don't understand is that this election has never been about me. It's about you. It's about you.
For 18 long months, you have stood up, one by one, and said enough to the politics of the past. You understand that in this election, the greatest risk we can take is to try the same old politics with the same old players and expect a different result. You have shown what history teaches us -- that at defining moments like this one, the change we need doesn't come from Washington. Change comes to Washington. Change happens because the American people demand it -- because they rise up and insist on new ideas and new leadership, a new politics for a new time.
America, this is one of those moments.
I believe that as hard as it will be, the change we need is coming. Because I've seen it. Because I've lived it. Because I've seen it in Illinois, when we provided health care to more children and moved more families from welfare to work. I've seen it in Washington, where we worked across party lines to open up government and hold lobbyists more accountable, to give better care for our veterans and keep nuclear weapons out of the hands of terrorist.
And I've seen it in this campaign. In the young people who voted for the first time, and the young at heart, those who got involved again after a very long time. In the Republicans who never thought they'd pick up a Democratic ballot, but did. I've seen it in the workers who would rather cut their hours back a day even though they can't afford it than see their friends lose their jobs, in the soldiers who re-enlist after losing a limb, in the good neighbors who take a stranger in when a hurricane strikes and the floodwaters rise.
You know, this country of ours has more wealth than any nation, but that's not what makes us rich. We have the most powerful military on Earth, but that's not what makes us strong. Our universities and our culture are the envy of the world, but that's not what keeps the world coming to our shores.
Instead, it is that American spirit -- that American promise -- that pushes us forward even when the path is uncertain; that binds us together in spite of our differences; that makes us fix our eye not on what is seen, but what is unseen, that better place around the bend.
That promise is our greatest inheritance. It's a promise I make to my daughters when I tuck them in at night, and a promise that you make to yours -- a promise that has led immigrants to cross oceans and pioneers to travel west; a promise that led workers to picket lines, and women to reach for the ballot.
And it is that promise that 45 years ago today, brought Americans from every corner of this land to stand together on a Mall in Washington, before Lincoln's Memorial, and hear a young preacher from Georgia speak of his dream.
The men and women who gathered there could've heard many things. They could've heard words of anger and discord. They could've been told to succumb to the fear and frustration of so many dreams deferred.
But what the people heard instead -- people of every creed and color, from every walk of life -- is that in America, our destiny is inextricably linked. That together, our dreams can be one.
"We cannot walk alone," the preacher cried. "And as we walk, we must make the pledge that we shall always march ahead. We cannot turn back."
America, we cannot turn back. Not with so much work to be done. Not with so many children to educate, and so many veterans to care for. Not with an economy to fix and cities to rebuild and farms to save. Not with so many families to protect and so many lives to mend. America, we cannot turn back. We cannot walk alone. At this moment, in this election, we must pledge once more to march into the future. Let us keep that promise -- that American promise -- and in the words of Scripture hold firmly, without wavering, to the hope that we confess.
Thank you, God Bless you, and God Bless the United States of America.

Late-Adopter Club: The Avalanches

2008-07-24T08:35:00.002-05:00

The band Air France have an EP out, entitled No Way Down, that is getting all kinds of rave reviews. While I've yet to get my hot little hands on it, I have heard the title track, and it is indeed the poo. The album it's been most compared to is the Avalanches 2000 release, "Since I Left You", of which I am ashamed to admit I had never heard. Apparently I was too immersed in Hum, the Dismemberment Plan, and the Roots back then to appreciate music that actually makes you feel, you know, good. Anyway, I'm making up for lost time, grooving to the Avalanches, and wishing that summer will never end.

Bonus points for what I am 100% confident is the best use of a horse whinny sample in the history of music, in track 2, Stay Another Season.

A modest request

2008-07-15T16:49:00.001-05:00

I recently heard LCD Soundsystem's cover of Harry Nilsson's Jump Into the Fire. It's the shit, yet is unreleased. If anyone has a copy somehow, can has send to mi plz?

Great news!

2008-07-10T07:05:00.003-05:00

There's approximately 68,000 fewer assholes around today!

That's right - Philly lost that many people between 2000 and 2007, a drop second only to New Orleans. Which really isn't fair - that's like awarding MLB rookie of the year to a Japanese player in his 30s. Thus, I say we're the real #1 here.

I'm still a far cry from living George Carlin's dream of living on the beach, so "that way you're only surrounded by assholes on three sides," but still, today is a good day. 68,000 down, only 1,449,632 to go!

Query:

2008-07-03T21:52:00.001-05:00

Q: What's better than blasting music at work with no one around to complain?

A: Not being at work at 10:52 on a fucking Friday night.

That Warren Jeffs is so HOT right now

2008-07-02T09:16:00.006-05:00

Yes, the fundamental church of latter day saints is leveraging all the wonderful media attention they've gotten in the wake of the recent raid on their compound to launch a web-based clothing retail business.

With just a few clicks of a mouse, you too can don the garb of the brainwashed child brides of crazy-ass cultists.
Halloween costume? Check.

Premature Rave: Fate

2008-07-02T07:45:00.000-05:00

I just got my greedy little hands on an advance copy of Dr. Dog's yet to be released album: Fate. Hoo boy it's good. Like, maybe the best thing I've heard this year good.

Time will tell.

Guns Guns Guns

2008-06-26T11:15:00.002-05:00

Noting today's historic Supreme Court ruling, the first ruling on the right to gun ownership since the 1700s:

Scalia noted that the handgun is Americans' preferred weapon of self-defense in part because "it can be pointed at a burglar with one hand while the other hand dials the police."

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080626/ap_on_go_su_co/scotus_guns

In a parallel finding, the middle finger is Alex's preferred weapon of Scalia-disdain in part because "it can be waved at a dipshit with one hand while the other hand fingers his wife"

Kanye West has interesting priorities

2008-06-26T06:51:00.001-05:00

So recently at Bonnaroo, Kanye was to go on around 8:30. He complained that it wouldn't be dark enough for his glow in the dark-focused performance to achieve it's full artistic expression. So they moved his slot to after main act Pearl Jam. He was slated to go on around 2:30 AM, a pretty ambitious plan, but hey, it's Bonnaroo. Someone'll still be up.

Of course, by the time the offloaded Pearl Jam's set and got Kanye's Magical Glowing Spaceship of Fun and Profit(TM) set up and ready to go, it was well after 4 AM. By then, the few fans remaining had begun chanting "Kanye sucks" and throwing beer at the stage.

Full story is here (blogger being a bitch about hyperlinks right now): http://music.yahoo.com/read/news/61460900

Kanye's retort: "This Bonnaroo thing is the worst insult I've ever had in my life," West wrote. "This is the most offended I've ever been ... this is the maddest I ever will be."

Really, Kanye? This makes you more mad than the federal response to Hurricane Katrina? This makes you more mad than the Rodney King verdict? This makes you more mad than communities plagued by senseless violence, the war in Iraq, and the 2000 election? Wow. That's some serious egotism. I've got an idea: go fuck yourself.

You delay a performance until after 4 AM, and you're damn straight I'm gonna boo your ass. While I am tempted to read into the racial dynamic (Bonnaroo=well to do white kids on drugs), no, I'm sorry. Going on at 4:30 is unnacceptable on every level, and I would boo Jesus if he made me stay up that late for the fucking Sermon on the Mount, much less your ridiculous fucking glow in the dark, Space Oddity wannabe bullshit.

Rave: Metaform

2008-06-13T13:20:00.000-05:00

Just picked up Metaform's new album, Standing on the Shoulders of Giants.

It's really, really good.

This album has launched itself to top of the list for my summer partying purposes. At least the chilled out bbq-style parties.

HUGE bonus points for the Coming to America sample in I Feel Good.

Opposite day

2008-06-05T08:08:00.004-05:00

I woke up in a bad mood today.
I'd spent the evening slogging through an impossibly humid Phillies game that saw Brett Myers tease me by taking a no-no into the seventh, only to have them lose 2-0. They spoiled a great pitching outing by being totally unable to comprehend the movement on Edison Volquez's pitches (seriously - dude's stuff is sick).

ANYWAY, I just read a story that turned my mood around. In a city that gets urban planning wrong 99.997% of the time, it's rare to read something like this. Now, Shop Rite sucks ass (new slogan: "Hey, at least we're not Pathmark!"), and Lowe's is just another soulless big box blah blah blah mom and pop store blah blah walmart blahrg. Bottom line is this community needed a grocery store, needed affordable home repair supplies, needed JOBS. And that's what this will give them. You ever notice that the only people who really complain about the death of mom and pop stores in favor of walmarts and Lowe's et al are well to do, college educated people? Meanwhile, low-income people are forced to rely on the wildly unhealthy food options dished up by mom and pop. That's right. Mom and pop are stuff white people like.

Lowe's and Shop Rite are stuff everyone in this community needs.

Fuck you, mom and pop.

Rave: The Virginia EP

2008-05-30T13:51:00.004-05:00

The National dropped "The Virginia EP" last week, and it's great.

I'd write more, but I can't seem to listen to it all - I keep replaying the final track, a live cut of "About Today", from their debut release way back in the day. This track is seriously gorgeous. The National at the top of their game.

More fun w/ Drunken Hillary

2008-05-30T10:38:00.003-05:00

hey, it's another link!

2008-05-30T09:50:00.002-05:00

I don't care if it rains or freezes,
long as I got my cocaine jesus.

Friday's Reason For Optimism

2008-05-30T09:41:00.007-05:00

Hillary might be about to concede.

Last night, Hillary Clinton finally let her testicles down, relaxing with reporters which downing scotch.

You know emo dude is totally gonna tap that shit, bro.

Broad Street Obesitea

2008-05-30T07:49:00.003-05:00

I just learned a new drink from a coworker.

Broad St. Obesitea:

8 oz hot water
6 creamer packets, room temperature
8 sugar packets
1 Lipton tea bag

Combine ingredients, drink, repeat until your feet fall off.

The cradle of civilization

2008-05-23T08:11:00.004-05:00

In a really nice, deferential piece by True Hoop's Henry Abbott, First Lieutenant Ted Janis drops what I'd consider one of the finest sentences ever written in a sports story. He's discussing how his company of rifelmen stationed in Iraq play basketball as often as they can, for the same reason as everyone else all over the world turn to sports: to relieve stress, channel frustration, and bond with peers. Here's his gem.

"All of us get completely covered, from head to toe to teeth, in the dust of the cradle of civilization."

Gorgeous.

Food Report - Vintage

2008-05-15T08:25:00.008-05:00

Stopped by Vintage, the new wine bar at 13th and Sansom last night for a couple post-dinner drinks. Here's a brief rundown:

Decor: A kind of musty off-yellow theme throughout, which, frankly, I didn't care for. It kind of felt like an old person's living room, updated to seem modern and trendy. Strange, and unsettling. Yellow light theme = bad skin tones. Plus, the bar is hideous- shellacked with a roughly hammered layer of aluminum or some shit, that has no place being anywhere but a conspiracy nut's helmet. What ever happened to simple, elegant wood under about 800 layers of lacquer? Was there a new fire ordinance passed? Finally, there's a bigass iron chandelier, with a single ugly bulb in the middle, and wine bottles arranged radially - which would look awesome in a more rustic, relaxed setting (as would the very nice and humongous wine racks behind the bar), but which didn't fit with the fancier appointments in the rest of the place. Overall, decor is confused, and not very successful.

Food: Didn't have any, but it looks good if not very creative. That said, they serve several dishes using an unbelievably poor method, which is a bigass rack that stacks three plates vertically, almost like your at afternoon tea in Britain. I didn't like this method then, and I seriously hate it now, served to a couple at a very small two-seater, such that they had to lean to the side to fucking see each other. This is the worst kind of stupid, pretentious shit that has no place in a quality drunkery.

Wine: Fantastic. World-class. Awesome. Pick a word. They were out of Carmenere, which was too bad, but I discovered a few others that were straight up great. A glass'll run you 9-10 bucks, but the service and quality makes it worth it (see below). One small problem was that the wine is served in glasses sporting the Vintage logo. I find this really stupid.

Dude:
"Damn, this malbec is great and all, but where the hell am I?"
(looks down)
"Oh, right! I'm at Vintage! Thank you, kind purveyor of booze, for alerting me as to my whereabouts. Now, pray, where might my pants be?"

Beer: Not great. A lot of generic euro pilsners, and of course the requisite belgian stuff you can get at every single other bar in the city, plus a few specials. The lone hop-lovers beer was Dogfish Head's 90 minute, which is maybe the most overrated beer on the planet. Stick to wine. They do have a rotating tap for something seasonal. I suggested they add Yard's Brawler when it comes out. Bartender looked at me like I had grown antennae.

Other booze: See above. Several ports and scotches available, but nothing all that rare to my untrained eye. Blah. But you're not here for that stuff anyway.

Service: In a word, phenomenal. Like every serious wine bar (and really, any bar period) should, they encourage tasting anything and everything. Much like a good cheese shop, they've realized that encouraging customers tasting different stuff encourages them to come back and buy more. Bravo. So head on over on a day when it's slow (Wed. night the place was dead), and spend some time sipping. Don't be shy. They'll happily chat with you about what they think of the wine (including an honest answer if they personally hate a particular wine). This is the model all bars should follow.

Overall, this place is great in the right circumstances, which is to say, go with a friend or two, for drinks and maybe a snack to share, belly up to the bar, and spend a couple hours tasting different stuff. Reward their generosity by ordering a glass or two of whatever tastes the best to you.
And if your food arrives in a goddamn tower formation, tell them to knock that shit off, deconstruct it, and hand the stupid rack back to them. They gotta learn.

Mission of Burma

2008-05-09T13:34:00.005-05:00

This is so mindnumbingly stupid, so awful, it's difficult to put words to my disgust. Just watch, and prepare for end times. This is why the terrorists hate us, and you know what? They're absofuckinglutely right.*

Ms. K, I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.

*note I still don't agree with their methods.

Greatest film ever?

2008-05-09T09:02:00.003-05:00

From the look of the trailer, fuck yes.

This film makes Shoot 'Em Up look like My Dinner With Andre.

It's BACON

2008-05-08T10:13:00.002-05:00

h/t.

No optimism today

2008-05-08T08:18:00.001-05:00

Prepare a list of what you need
Before you sign away the deed
Cause it's not going to stop

Donations.

Who needs 2?

2008-05-07T15:06:00.002-05:00

Free tickets for the Philadelphia Orchestra, at the Mann.
chill on the grass and get yoself some culture, b.

Max 4 tix/order , offer only until 5/31.
http://www.manncenter.org/freelawn/

Fuck Vampire Weekend

2008-04-29T09:57:00.003-05:00

Much like Jeff's hatred of Slap Your Glans Say Bleahhh, I just don't fucking get the hype. This band is fucking terrible. It's the worst kind of precious, twee shit. It's double worse for being constantly aware of its own preciousness. Go fuck yourselves in the earholes with rusty lobster hooks, you pathetic hipster douchebags.

Thank you KEXP

2008-04-29T09:09:00.004-05:00

On Monday, I received a receipt documenting another installment of my annual donation to KEXP Seattle, praised in this space and elsewhere as the greatest radio station in the world.

Then, I came into work to a new computer, that magically can stream their audio live, in perfect quality, with no buffering stupidity (which was a problem on my previous machine).

Suffice to say, I've been listening all week thus far, and have learned a few things:

1) We were promised jetpacks = greatest band name ever. Though really it would work better as an album title. Still, awesome name. Their song Quiet Little Voices is anything but quiet, and is good.

2) Working for a Nuclear Free City = unfortunately named band out of manchester. They sound like the result of a focus group conducted in my high school memories, updated to modern day pop-crunch (aka, lots of Stone Roses, Jesus and Mary Chain influence). Their song Nancy Adam Susan (what's with the terrible names, people?) is the shit. I can't believe I didn't pick up on this when it came out last year.

3) Yep, KEXP is awesome, and if you live in Seattle or New York, you should feel very very lucky they're on your airwaves. If you don't, but have a cubicle, get yourself some decent headphones!

Best song of the year - early candidates

2008-04-25T13:01:00.005-05:00

Opening Act, by Drive By Truckers (lyric of the year: "And I’m driving north as the sun was rising over a Technicolor horizon")

Unforgettable Season, by Cut Copy (dance song of the year)

Probably something off the new Black Angels - Doves, maybe? (best use of reverb since what's the frequency kenneth?)

Devastatin Dave Presents: The Worst Song of the Year contest

2008-04-25T12:25:00.007-05:00

Our first nominee for 2008: Sharp Drest, by Mochipet.

Sweet lord this song is fucking terrible.

Devastatin Dave, on the other hand, is amazing.

Got a nominee? Put it in the comments. We'll revisit this at the end of the year.

Chin Up

2008-04-23T09:30:00.004-05:00

Yes, Hillary is still in the race, and many think that'll hurt the Dems come the general election.

And yes, McCain is looking stronger than ever, and I grow more and more terrified with each passing day.

But all is not lost, and Arcade Fire, the poster boys for youthful optimism in the face of overwhelming fear and loathing, are coming soon to rock out North Cackalacky. The best part? The shows are free, and are get out the vote rallies for Obama.

I'm moved to recall the words of David Rees, following the disastrous 2004 election:

"CHIN UP. We're smarter than those motherfuckers.
We can learn more quickly than those motherfuckers.
We can be more ruthless than those motherfuckers.
We can be some six-million-dollar motherfuckers ourselves.

Chin up. We're more American than those motherfuckers.
We're more responsible than those motherfuckers.
We're more compassionate than those motherfuckers.
Hell, our atheists are more Christian than their Bible-thumpin' motherfuckers.
There's an election in two years. There's nothing we can't do.
Chin up. Because it's on, motherfuckers. It is on."

Optimism Comes in No Greater Form than the Humble Meatball

2008-04-22T07:32:00.008-05:00

For visual evidence that I make some durn good ones, I present exhibit A:

Ingredients:

Ground turkey

Crushed red pepper

A fistful of fresh rosemary, minced

Cayenne pepper

Paprika

Carmelized onions, minced

Salt and pepper

Saute until golden brown on all sides (yes, in my kitchen, spheres have sides), finish in the oven covered in tin foil.

Serve over a big bowl of pasta, with the greatest tomato sauce in the world (recipe forthcoming), and a generous amount of parmigiano reggiano.

Now go vote!

Why McCain will win

2008-04-15T08:33:00.003-05:00

This is what I've been so scared of. McCain is calling for a mid-summer gas-tax holiday.

Most Americans are greedy, simple people. While I'd argue that HIGHER gas taxes is what we need, McCain will appeal to their sense of immediate self-gratification with his mid-summer gas tax holiday (will there be hallmark cards? Parades of SUVs? Sweet rave parties with sexy gasoline fights like in Zoolander?).

"All these tax increases are the fine print under the slogan of 'hope:' They're going to raise your taxes by thousands of dollars per year — and they have the audacity to hope you don't mind."

Messaging like that is why Republicans are better at politics than Dems.

"McCain twice voted against the very tax cuts he now supports; he says failing to extend them would amount to tax increases for millions of people."

Welcome to the pit, Johnny Mac! You've managed to rise from the 9th circle (Antenora, for traitors to party) all the way up to Bolgia 6 of circle 8 (for hypocrites). Rather fitting that his tax holiday comes over the peak of flip-flop season, no?

Of course who needs honesty when you got greed on your side.

Your next president, John McCain.

Who needs a drink?

Food Review – TIME

2008-04-11T09:57:00.005-05:00

Head to head matchup between health code violator and beer drinker’s heaven, Ludwig’s Bier Garten, and TIME, which replaced it and opened last night.

Waitstaff
Ludwig’s: Hot hipsters and thickly-accented buxom European lasses in cleavage-baring dresses, who took forever to bring you your beer.

TIME: Villanova fratboys who take forever to bring you your beer.

Massive hetero advantage: Ludwig’s.
Massive extend-the-gayborhood-northward advantage: TIME

Bar surface
Ludwig’s: Ancient and somewhat decrepit wooden bar.

TIME: Cheap ass Ikea wood painted black.

Advantage: Ludwig’s

Décor
Ludwig’s: Soccer flags, peeling paint and picnic tablecloths

TIME: Rich mahogany and sleek modern tones.

Advantage: TIME

Beer list
Ludwig’s: The best German beer in the city, if not the nation. Only reliable source of Rauschbier in the city.

TIME: Decent, if less-than-unique collection, including a handful of the most common German, Belgian, and British beers, as well as a few American ales (incl. Bell’s Two Hearted, my current favorite).

Advantage: Ludwig’s

Other booze
Ludwig’s:
Marge: I'll just have a cup of coffee.
Bartender: Beer, it is.
Marge: No, I said "coffee".
Bartender: "Beer?”
Marge: [slowly] Coff-ee.
Bartender: Be-er?
Marge: C -- O --
Bartender: B -- E --

TIME: Whisky whisky whisky. Hoo boy do they have a lot of whisky. Much of it good. Granddad also available. Advice to TIME ownership – get a TIME take on the citywide special going – Granddad and a Yard’s Philly Pale = victory.

HUGE advantage: TIME

Price
Ludwig’s: Prohibitive, except during late night happy hour. The longer you stay, the more you can afford to get plastered.

TIME: Even more expensive than Ludwig’s. No late night happy hour.

Advantage: Ludwig’s.

Clientele
Ludwig’s: Ecclectic assortment, reflective of Philly as a whole (at least the white part of Philly). South/NE blue collar guys screaming at the Phillies, bike messengers and other assorted hipsters, lawyers. Of course, usually not that many people in general in the last year or two, as the crowd had moved to Good Dog.

TIME: Dooooooooooouche.

Advantage: Good Dog.

Food
Ludwig's: Delicious spetzel. Potato pancakes. Wurst.

TIME: Didn’t have it, but the bread comes with a revolting little tri-sectioned platter containing a piped flower of butter, a puddle of olive oil and a truly disturbing pile of a mustard-looking substance that would look more at home in a baby’s diaper than on a plate.

Advantage: Ludwig’s

The Final Countdown: Ludwig’s 4, TIME 2.

Food Review - Devil's Den

2008-04-03T07:30:00.012-05:00

So i checked out devil's den last night. 11th and ellsworth.

In a word, it's great.

The beer list is among the best in the city, rivaled only by the POPE in terms of great IPAs (Bells Two Hearted, Bear Republic Hop Rod Rye, and a magnificent and evil triple IPA from Founders that weighed in at 13% ABV), and it goes a long way towards replacing Ludwigs (though that's really not possible) in terms of German beers. $6 for 23oz of Spaten? I can get behind that. Also, props for setting aside petty political bullshit and carrying both Yard's Philly Pale AND Philly Brewing Rowhouse Red. They follow the Ludwig's example in terms of glassware, fitting each beer to its proper vessel, which allows for the always fun game of "Who Gets The Coolest Glass". It will also, no doubt, lead to tons of theft. Tons of other stuff, but I didn't have it last night.

Food looks good - While I was disappointed that "The Axe" wasn't on the menu, the fries are delicious, and the bite of a portobello burger was the best such item I've ever tasted, by far. Heaps of caramelized onions, roasted tomatoes and smoked mozzarella - so much of the latter that it gooped out the side all over the fries- a VERY good thing.

As for sports watching capabilities, two bigass and gorgeous plasma screens sit above the bar, and last night one showed the flyers and one the phillies. The loud cheers when the Flyers took a 2-1 lead took me by surprise- the crowd was decidedly un-blue collar- mostly late 20's/early 30's white yuppies - in other words, me.

Some drawbacks - the wine list looks pretty weak, but who gives a shit, drink a beer, you fairy! Also, no Yuengling available, about which I could care less, but it still seems like a mistake. The 2nd floor is still not open yet, the service was predictably uneven (though friendly) given it was opening night, and there's no jukebox, which to me is a pretty grievous sin. The music was mostly bland 90's "alternative". If I wanted to listen to MMR I'd go back to drinking and driving, thank you.

Anyway, I give this place 3 Pinot Noir-laced mugs of Wit out of 4. Once they iron out the kinks, add a juke, and a pool table/darts upstairs, this could easily become my favorite bar in the city. Between the South Philly Tap Room, POPE, Caballitos, Ray's, the Dive, 12 Steps Down, Royal, and now Devil's Den, there's really no reason for me to ever leave my neighborhood (except, you know, for work).

Get on out and raise a glass to Confederate Snipers at this latest great Philly pub.

All hail Eddie

2008-03-25T10:09:00.003-05:00

Eddie Murphy's made plenty of critically panned movies in his time, and it's fair to say his newest, "Meet Dave" won't be any different.

Trailer and trash talk here.

Coming soon to a theater near you...

"Meet Dave"
Jokes and jokes and jokes and jokes and jokes.
Rated PG-13.

C'mon, you've got him getting hit in the nuts and the forehead, as well as a hilarious sneeze take, smirk to the camera, and hilarious dance montage, all in one 2 minute trailer. I think it's fair to say this will be the best movie ever.

St. Patrick's Day

2008-03-18T06:52:00.001-05:00

Take a moment in this morning's recovery to appreciate the understated genius that is Beeker.

Philly music

2008-02-29T15:31:00.003-05:00

Good compilation of Philly music here, thanks to uwishunu.com.

The Man Man song (Black Mission Goggles) is the standout, of course, but that Extraordinaires song is also pretty sweet.

I couldn't agree more

2008-02-29T08:45:00.001-05:00

Top 5 films about boarding school

2008-02-28T13:44:00.003-05:00

5. Class
The brat pack in one of their lesser films. You’ve got Andrew McCarthy bangin one of the original MILFs, Jaqueline Bisset.

4. Lost and Delirious
Piper Perabo vehicle about lesbianism and teen angst. If you made it past the first half of that sentence, good for you.

3. Outside Providence
Hilarious. Dumb as hell, and wildly uneven, but still hilarious. Go rent it, dildo.

2. Dead Poets’ Society
Duh. Everyone’s already seen it. Should have been Robin Williams’ Oscar turn, rather than the fat bearded version of Mr. Keating he trotted out in Good Will Hunting.

1. Toy Soldiers
Sean Astin battles terrorists who take over the school. Plus, the tough but fair headmaster is the dude from Iron Eagle (Louis Gossett, Jr.). Oh, and R. Lee Ermey too. Did I mention Wil Wheaton? I LOVE this film. It is to boarding school what Red Dawn is to the Cold War.

Honorable Mention:
X-Men films, which are decent, but in which the boarding school just isn’t central enough to the plot.
Harry Potter Films – boarding school very central, but I happen to have an irrational dislike of all things Potter
Scent of a Woman – If I were half the blogger I was back then, I’d take a flamethrower to this film. Hoo-AH!

I'm happy today.

2008-02-27T14:15:00.001-05:00

For today, baseball games are being played in the warm sunshine down south/out west.

Democracy at its best

2008-02-26T11:01:00.003-05:00

It's been a long time since the primaries continue to hold relevance this late in the season, and I think it's safe to say that Pennsylvania is pretty fired up. As a still-undecided Democrat, I'm enjoying every thoughtful, respect-laden exchange of ideas with my peers, as daily I discover new angles to comparing the candidates Obama and Clinton.

And I'm not alone... the system works! The Greeks would be so proud. This is the face of Democracy, where the mob holds the power.
The angry, drunken mob.

Bless the mob!

Self-Indulgence

2008-02-13T12:33:00.004-05:00

Gender Bending Barnacles Grow Huge Penises in Rough Waters

Story here.

Sorry about that. I just really, really wanted those words to appear on this blog. You know, class the joint up a bit.

Thanks.

The Ultimate Woot

2008-02-12T12:29:00.000-05:00

I'm pretty sure this is why the terrorists hate us.

I'm pretty sure it's worth it.

Bonnnnggg!

2008-02-07T09:38:00.001-05:00

So close...

2008-02-01T12:20:00.000-05:00

I wanted to like this. I really did.
And I almost did like it. In fact, the Jackson 5 bridge is fantastic. But the chorus is still abominably terrible.
Fuck Oasis for unleashing this musical Cloverfield onto my brain.

Now this is more like it.

WANT

2008-01-31T10:46:00.001-05:00

holy dogshit these are awesome.

much more here.

Attention single people!

2008-01-31T09:04:00.000-05:00

Old and busted: Doing rails off the floor of L'Etage with Jersey chicks.

Soon to be hotness: Lunching at the Kimmel.

Congratulations to the Kimmel Center, for addressing a major problem, in the most ass way possible: six years too late.

Don't get me wrong. The Kimmel Center is a gorgeous building, and when it went up my first response was that it's nicer than Philly deserves. Early on in its life, I even took to eating a brown bag lunch up on the top floor under all the sunshine that streams in that unbelievably dramatic glass roof. But I haven't repeated those lunch trips in years. YEARS! Why? Cause yeah, the building is unwelcome as hell. You just don't feel like they want you in there when there's no concert going on, and it'll take more than replacing some bricks with glass and ropes with shamrocks to remedy that.

"Right now, blank brick walls run for long stretches on the Kimmel's three public sides, Broad, Spruce and 15th Streets. The few street-level windows that exist are either frosted or curtained. Worst of all, Vinoly squandered the site's greatest asset, its Broad Street corner. He marks the high-energy spot where the city's pedestrian grid converges with a dull, black granite cube that houses, of all things, a work room for the box office."

Making the Kimmel more welcoming to the public is a worthy proposition. I just wish they could've gotten it right the first time. And I fear that they'll get it wrong again. I get the distinct feeling the result will be more akin to the atmosphere at the outdoor tables at Bliss than the Roman Forum. Which is a shame. Publicly supported buildings such as the Kimmel should hold their role as public space as central to their mission.

Here's an idea- during the holiday season, get Santa in the atrium (I think Milton Street's available), holiday music playing all around (including pumped out into the streets), throw open the doors, and get the kids in there.

Dinosaurs!

2008-01-29T09:48:00.000-05:00

Apparently, according to researchers at UPenn, dinosaurs can cure cancer. Or something. All I know is there's totally a velociraptor in there. And it's awesome.

Statehood

2008-01-25T15:14:00.000-05:00

I finally got around to picking up the recent album put out by DC band Statehood, "Lies and Rhetoric". Statehood features Eric Axelson on bass and Joe Easley on drums. You might recognize them from such bands as the Dismemberment Plan.

But enough name dropping - is it any good?

Yeah. It's good. The lead singer has a serious case of sandy vag emo affectation, but otherwise it's quite good. Hearing Easley again is worth the price of admission, and his work on End the Moderation is on par with, if not better, than the most energetic of DPlan songs. Axelson continues to do good work throughout, offsetting the singer's wussiness with a nice rolling bassline that keeps up with the drums. If the vocals were on par, this would be a GREAT album. And yes, I realize that my viewpoint is impossibly jaded, given my adoration of Travis Morrison, but there it is.

CasiNot So Fast

2008-01-25T10:38:00.000-05:00

Nutter got my friday off on the right foot with his apparent decision to cock-smack the casinos right in their ugly mugs. No telling how this'll all end up, but for now, I give the Mayor three snaps up in a Z formation.

Glen and Gary

2008-01-25T10:00:00.000-05:00

Hilarious.

I AM FINE NOW!!!

2008-01-15T16:06:00.000-05:00

Thank you, Matt Osypowski Doppelganger, for restoring my faith in humanity.

Fresh out

2008-01-15T13:40:00.000-05:00

If anyone's heard anything positive recently, please share. This story from the Washington Post has got me pretty much devoid of optimism today.

Child abuse is always gut wrenching. It's one of those rare subjects that unite an entire population around a common moral ground. That's what government is for, first and foremost- an arm of justice that can act on behalf of the common moral agenda of society. When government systems set up to be that arm of justice fail this egregiously, it's time for the entire population to weep.

Foodie Report - Rumor Mongering

2008-01-08T14:42:00.001-05:00

From a poster on Craig LaBan's chat today:
"Thomas Keller's Per Se over the holidays and a woman at another table, with Philly connections, said she'd heard that Keller is supposed to open a burger place here? The Per Se staff hadn't heard anything, but I was wondering if you knew of such a plan?"

PLEASE LET THIS HAPPEN!

Lolpols in full effect

2008-01-03T11:15:00.000-05:00

Bring the MF Raucous (Caucus)

2008-01-03T10:37:00.001-05:00

Best of luck to all the candidates. Despite disagreeing with 99.99% of his policy positions, I gotta give some love to the Huckster just for this photo. That's presidential.

Thoughts on movies

2007-12-28T11:47:00.001-05:00

Saw No Country For Old Men (SPOILERS BELOW) last night, and along with Grindhouse, I can't remember liking two films this much in the same year. I'm an admitted Coen bros. junkie, and it's nice to see them return to drama after several years making relatively simple comedy.

It's also nice, though unsettling at first, to experience the departure from the Coen bros. norm that this film was. They abandoned their usually dialogue-heavy style in favor of extremely sparse dialogue, totally in keeping with the sparse landscape. Bravo, boys. Even with quiter films like Barton Fink, the dialogue wasn't THIS tangential to the tension. Here, what few snappy bits of dialogue were generally tossed in to lighten the mood a bit after a particularly harrowing scene, or to demonstrate weakness (Hi Woody).

A couple other thoughts-
I LOVED how they built up Woody Harrelson to be this bad motherfucker, and make you expect him to act all nice and then take the film to a whole new level of crazy, and then POW! 10 minutes later he's dead, and a total wuss about being dead. Awesome.

Loved the ending, that left the viewer as unsatisfied as Tommy Lee Jones. The world ain't formulaic- if it was, Jones would be able to understand the crime he's facing. Basically, the anti-Lord of the Rings approach.

Trailers:
City of Men looks awesome and all, but I gotta give credit the geniuses (perverts) who came up with TEETH.

UPDATE - I like to think that the casting director for Teeth had the easiest job in the world. Just use the Snakes on a Plane approach- by stating the three word premise (man-eating pussy), you could lure anyone you wanted for this film. Also, bravo IMDB for applying these tags. I think that list could be used as a barometer of humanity- and it speaks worlds about mine that I LOVE that list.

I forsee a fun-filled evening double feature of Machete/Teeth in my future.

Additional holiday treats

2007-12-21T14:50:00.000-05:00

The Onion seems to have put most of its best writing into the shameless commerce division. Their merch has never been better. Consider the genius that is the fake gift boxes.
Or the beautiful simplicity of this.

A special holiday wish...

2007-12-21T13:33:00.001-05:00

From special guest, Steve Martin.

Come On! Let's Boogie to the Elf Dance!

2007-12-19T15:02:00.000-05:00

Ok, an update to my earlier item about Xmas music. The random Sufjan Xmas song to insert is Come On! Let's Boogie to the Elf Dance!

hijack a snowplow
clear out the streets
tell all the neighbors
there's cookies to eat

Now that's writing.

Apatow Powow

2007-12-19T09:55:00.000-05:00

I admit, I haven't yet drank the Judd Apatow kool-aid. 40 yr virgin was ok, but didn't come close to the hype. As a result, I pretty much ignored knocked up and superbad.

That said, I got pretty excited immediately upon hearing about Walk Hard, if only because John C. Reilly's chance at a star turn in comedy is LONG overdue. He's the best part of every single movie he's ever been in.

In other Walk Hard news, this.

Photo request

2007-12-17T22:15:00.000-05:00

Here you go, as requested, photos will be uploaded soon.

Hank Azaria is the best

2007-12-13T11:15:00.000-05:00

Good clip from an interview on the process of creating a new character.
Essentially, all his characters are just slight variations of bad impersonations he does.
Love it.

Song of the moment: Hong Kong

2007-12-13T09:17:00.001-05:00

I just discovered Gorillaz' track "Hong Kong". It's off one of those Help! benefit albums, which are almost universally terrible. I actually stumbled upon it while researching Damian Jurado of all people. Anyway, it's beautiful. Give a listen.

Holiday song wish list

2007-12-11T09:25:00.000-05:00

Here's some songs that have yet to be made:

We Three Pimps
Jingle Crack Rock
Rudolph the Red-Nosed Alky
Cameltoe and Missiles (a tribute to the brave fighting women of our armed forces)
All I Want For Christmas is a $2 Whore.
Silent Snitch
Frosty the Pervert
I Jacked it to Mommy Kissing Santa Claus
Get Behind Me, Santa!*

*Note: Sufjan did it